DEAR DICTATOR (2018)
*deep breath*
OK, here we go people...
Ah boy, I don't even know where to start with this one fellas.
This is awful. If you love yourself, don't watch this, please. I'm begging you.
I feel it is my moral obligation to warn you.
Not only does it break my heart to watch Michael Caine's brilliant career go anything but gracefully down the pipe, it brings me great sadness to think that whatever they paid Caine was enough for him to go ahead and agree with this. Can someone please check on Mr. Caine? What's going on big guy? You good? I heard about what happened and I am so sorry, absolutely saddened by this.
Alright, I guess uh, we'll get into the storyline so here goes.
😟
Our story begins in American suburbia where we find try-hard-punk rebel, Tatiana, who is supposed to be 16 - but I swear I had this same phase and got over it by the time I turned 12...anyway...
Tatiana is not a clever girl. She disrespects her mom, she hates her social sciences teacher, she's an outcast at school and the only friend she has is some boy that she's hopelessly infatuated with... but he has no interest in her and also disrespects her. Yeah, tragic.
Oh, forgot to mention that she's pen pals with Latin American communist dictator, Anton Vincent, played by the once magnificent Michael Caine.
Oh, how far we have fallen.
So, it is with great difficulty to watch this whilst keeping in mind that that part of the story was written with the intent of being the most wholesome relationship that ever gets to develop in the story. With the exchange of handwritten letters being the only things keeping each other from sticking their heads in the oven.
Pathetic.
Everything about this movie is pathetic. Don't expect that despite the awful storyline that you may be able to at least sympathise with the characters or appreciate a mature character development with each character. You'd be very wrong to expect so much. Especially with a half decent cast. On that note, I'd just like to say that I appreciate the casting was actually about the only thing that stopped me from screaming in agony for 90 minutes straight. They played their part to the best of their abilities and it would be unfair to blame them for having to play such tragic roles in a tragic story with a tragic script.
Shame.
Yet, despite all of Caine's experience, it is amazing how he didn't think to ask to improvise or even put on an accent the whole time. Yeah nah but yeah. He's playing a tyrant who has taken over some island in Latin America but with the same "Bri-ish accen'" with brave consistency.
Not to mention this movie from Hell is making a complete mockery of suicide and revenge porn to the point where you can't help but laugh, not because you think these aren't serious issues in real life, but because they thought it was a good idea to poorly communicate the seriousness of these themes. It is almost like as if their director and team actually sat down at a table and thought "hmm... yes... well what are some of the worst things that an American teen might face and how can we make it as cheesy as possible?".
Now I don't condone dictatorships or anything but this movie is so bad that its pushed me to the point of feeling kind of sorry for dictators, past and present, whose wrath have been totally undermined by this absolute fraud of a character they created, Anton Vincent. He's so bad at being bad that he makes historical bad guys look bad for being in the same bad category... if that makes sense. This man is so weak that he coughed after a sip of Red Bull. Not even with vodka. Just. Red Bull. Ugh.
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source: The Death of Stalin, a much better movie than the focus of this review. |
This Fidel-Castro-wannabe would've been punished under a real authoritarian revolution. To be honest, Stalin would've had him in the gulag and no doubt about that. I mean it's not just about the Red Bull thing - this leader is so pathetic that he goes into hiding in a teenage girls bedroom. So for that, I'll add 'creepy' to the list of things that make him an awful and unrealistic character.
I'm just gonna wrap it up with that. If you wanna see a real decent comedy about a real communist dictator minus the cringe teen drama, watch The Death of Stalin. You'd be doing yourself a favour.
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Again, just see Death of Stalin instead! |
- Melissa Yates